Friday, August 19, 2011

Growing up is hard to do

Summer is coming to an end. I'm sad. I feel like it went way too fast! Little was in summer camps almost all summer! And while he had the time of his life, I missed him being at home with me! Now with J being gone, I feel even sadder. Little is growing so fast and all I want to do is stop time. I want him to stay this little. I want him to still want to snuggle with me every night on the couch before bed time. I want him to want to kiss me goodnight! I don't know why it's all hitting me right now....

well maybe I kinda do......

J and I have "decided" that one child is all we need. We have decided to not have more kids.  We've always thrown this around and after 4 years of "trying" we've decided to call it quits. We are perfectly fine with just one child. Our life is easy with just one. Family trips can be made on the fly and at this age Little is very independent and can do most things on his own. BUT sometimes I have this extra burden on me. This is the only shot I've got! I need to soak every minute of every age in because I will never get to do it again......and that scares me. I'm good at being a mom to a "Little". I can do crafts and games all day long.....what if I'm not a good "Big" mom?!?! Not many people I know only have one child, so I don't get much advice. I'm worried he will resent us for him being alone. I know we spend a ton of time with him, we take many family trips and we have tons of friends we hang out with.......I just want him to always be happy. The days of a sticker or toy doing the trick are over and hes a real kid now.

I guess all I can do is try my best. Maybe one day, when he's old enough he will understand the choices we've made and why they were made. It's not always our plan we have to follow and we've come to terms with the fact that a big family just wasn't in the works for us and we are okay with that. So from here on out it's our choice that he is our only even if the "choice" was planned out before we knew it.

6 comments:

KG said...

I never asked my parents "WHY" was I the only one for all those years. I'm not saying he won't, but dont worry about that. Because rehearsing what you'll say to him won't be what comes out of your mouth if he should ever ask. Then again. I dont have a child of my own and I cant try and speak like I know what to say. You're being the best mom and family you can be. And from what I read and see, you are doing a darn good job at it.

-T- said...

I understand what you are saying. My little guy is 3 1/2 years old and my husband and I still aren't sure whether or not we will have any more. Not knowing adds a lot of pressure too. At least if we knew we were done we could put a stop to all of the, "When are you going to have another one?" questions that we get on a regular basis. I have the same worries... Will he resent not having siblings? Will he resent having siblings and a Dad that is gone all the time? Will he resent moving all over the country? I think as parents we always question whether of not we are doing the right thing. All we can do is the best we can and hope that our kiddos continue to be happy and healthy. :o) Oh, and of course don't forget to set up the therapy fund right with the college fund - hehe! :o)

Eights on the Move said...

I'm an only child - but my parents got divorced before they could have another child :) So my situation was vastly different. But I do think I gained independence and maturity much younger than most children, because I was around adults more. Here's to being a great "big" momma!!! You can do it!!!!! :)

Michelle D. said...

From what I've read I think you're a wonderful mom! Cherish this time, because when he looks back on those times I'm sure he will too.

My only advice, even though I'm childless, is stop worrying and just enjoy him. It sounds like he's having a delightful childhood.

And I find it SO rude when people ask when you're going to have more kids. It's even worse when they ask if you have kids and why you don't. None of their business.

Jen said...

I'm pretty sure that Little knows how much he is loved by both you, and if he ever is curious why he doesn't have siblings then you can have that conversation with him. But as long as he knows he has your unconditional love and support and the missing of a sibling will be fleeting to him because he's complete with you.

I agree with you on the enjoying each and every day you have with your children, because they DO grow so fast. You actually mirrored my own thoughts this week when you said that...even with my two the time is going too quickly it seems! Cherish the day...I'm going to strive to keep that in mind!

grandma tina said...

Kim u are a wonderful mom and Justin and Landon are blessed to have u. And so am I for that matter. They do get older ands go away which is the hardest thing a mom goes though. But know this whatever happens you live your life for your kids and when they have a family of their own you get to be a part of that life. Landon is so much like his dad and he loves u so much I don't think he even thinks about the what if. Keep up the amazing job u do with him. Justin and I were really close till he found u and needed more than a mom. But I still feel a big part of his life.