Sunday, October 30, 2011

Moments.

Have you ever felt like you had a 'moment' where you weren't at your best? When you didn't live up to even your standards let alone someone elses? I had one the other day and it's stuck with me. Really stuck.

While in Washington DC we were walking around with a couple that J was friends with the husband and I had just met the wife. We had been walking around for hours and Little was getting restless. We were walking to one of the last monuments and Little was running ahead of us and while I was alright at times, I wanted him to stay close and made it clear that I didn't like him running so far ahead. I know I wasn't being the nicest and I know I was being cranky and a little bossy.....but I was scared. Here we are in a huge, new city and my child isn't close enough for me to react if something were to happen. J got a little upset and told me to stop yelling(by yelling he means being bossy and not talking in a whisper).

Now, looking back I feel bad. I know I must have given this poor couple a pretty nasty first impression of me and I hate that. I hate that they could very well think I'm a mean mom for not giving my kid free-rein. But, all I can say is I was scared. Scared something would happen and it would be because I wasn't careful enough.

But I have to stop and think. In the end, as bad as I feel, I would rather be a bad mom for being too over-protective then be crushed if something were to happen because I wasn't careful enough. I hope I have another moment to prove to that couple that I'm really not all that bad. Contrary to popular belief.

I also want to add that I never once hurt Littles feelings or forced him to hold my hand and have no fun at all. I just overly expressed my need for him to stay close....and bickered a tiny bit with the husband about how far is too far.

6 comments:

Jen said...

I am like this with Alexis, although she is only 4 and it is always a battle. I still sometimes feel that I am being a "Mean" mom when I have to lecture her, especially in public. I know that in the end though it will keep her safe and that is all that matters to me!

(Wild) Rice said...

KK, how you choose to raise your child is YOUR business. However, think about this, had you let Little run ahead without cause or concern, they very well might have thought you didn't care about him at all. I'm sure you'd rather be thought of as too-overprotective than uncaring. Society is horrid these days and you're better safe than sorry. Plus, it's not like you're sheltering him. You were just keeping him close enough that should something happen, you were right there.

-J.Darling said...

First of all - kudos to you to being a caring mom and NOT using a kid leash! My parents took me around the globe as a very young child. The rule of thumb was that we were either holding an adults hand, or within eye shot depending on the location. For example, in the city, we were holding someone's hand (or within arms reach of an adult we knew). In a park, we'd have more freedom, but have to come when called.

-J.Darling said...

Oh! BTW - I'm new to your blog, but everyone has a cranky day. ;) Hang in there! I'm a new Sub Wife. My husband is a Trident submariner currently out on his first deployment. No kids, but 1 furkid. :)

Emily said...

This is my first stop by your blog, but this post really resonated with me. First of all, I would've done the exact same thing. I get really uncomfortable when my kids run too far ahead when we're in new (big, busy) places, and I think that's okay. You were protecting your child, assessing your surroundings, and trusting your instincts, just as you're supposed to as a mom.

I know what it feels like to think you've come off as bossy and snappish, but I doubt anyone was judging you. And if they were, they probably just thought you were trying to take care of your child AND trying to socialize with new friends AND trying to explore a new city. Anyone would understand how all that could get overwhelming!

KK said...

Thank you all so much for your sweet comments. It really means a lot to me. After venting and getting it all out I feel so much better about what happened and that I WASN'T in the wrong.