Friday, October 8, 2010

Dear civilian girl?

Someone posted this on facebook. Read it, then read how I feel about it at the bottom.

Dear civilian girl,

You complain that your husband has worked late all week and have barely seen him. *I look forward to the two weeks a year we spend together.

You complain because he doesn't call you enough. *My heart is thankful for EVERY SINGLE PHONE CALL, because I never know when I will get another.

You whine to your friends about how much you miss him already because he is on a two day trip with his parents.*I haven’t seen him for months now.

You don’t feel like making love tonight because you are too tired.*We will stay up all night because we don't know when it will be the next time.

Your husband belongs to you. *Mine belongs to the government.

Your husband is training for his game next weekend. *My husband is trained to kill.

You hate hanging up the phone when talking to him. * My heart breaks when we hang up.

You complain that he doesn’t take enough time out of his life for you. *My man has to get up in the middle of the night to talk with me because of the time difference. He doesn't complain.

Your man is in a bad mood from not sleeping much this week. *My man ran 10 miles this morning at 4 in the morning and has a full day of work ahead of him. He's lucky if he gets a few hours of sleep!

Your husband can call in sick when he is tired or not feeling well. *My man works no matter what!!

You don't trust him so you follow him places to see if he is telling the truth. *I have no choice but to trust him and even then I trust him with my life.

You don't like him talking so sexually with his friends. *My husband has to chant it in cadences.

You check your phone, see you missed a call from him, and decide to call him back when you aren't so busy. *I see a missed a call and cry, because I don't know when he can call again.

You might save a cute voice message from him. *I save them all b/c it helps me to remember what his voice sounds like.

Being apart for a month to you seems daunting. *Only a month apart for me is a wish that can't come true.

You wouldn't change schools to be close to him. *I have to move to another country to be with him.

You have every part of him memorized. *I study pictures so I don't forget what he looks like.

You take your time together for granted. *We don't!!

Your cell phone bill was high this month from talking too much. *He pays 20 cents a minute to call me, when he CAN call.

You love that fancy necklace he bought you. *I refuse to take his wedding band off, and not a day goes by that I don’t have it on...

You say you miss him. *Times that by 100.

Yours Truly,

Is it just me? But, this makes me mad. Why can't a civilian miss her husband? I miss mine when he's gone for a week and sometimes even a day. That's what love is. It's missing them. I hate when Military Wives think that they are so much better because of what their husbands do. Yes, my husband is gone more then most non-military people. Does that make me better? Hell no. It makes it so I don't take anything for granted, but doesn't make me better and doesn't mean that others can't miss their loved ones just as much as I do..

What do you think?


Anonymous said...

I agree with you. Loving someone means you miss them no matter how long they are gone, be it a month or a year. It can still hurt just as much whether you are civilian or military. If you love someone you are gonna miss them when they are gone, period. It doesn't matter how long that is and you don't miss them more than someone else just because its longer or shorter.

Jen said...

I think missing some one is missing someone no matter what your spouse/loved one does. Although I am blessed to have my husband around all the time, I feel for ANYBODY that has to be away for an extended period wether it's for military or like many family's where a parent has to work in other areas of the state, country or even world. It breaks my heart to see any family having to deal with seperation due to circumstances beyond their control.

I am a middle roader that see's it as everyone is entitled to their feelings, but I tend to go with... you can miss your loved one(military or not), but if I have to hear it every status update, I probably will block your status' :)

Although, I do give thanks for all military family's time sacrifice and the soldiers safety sacrifice cause it is a big sacrifice.

fancypants said...

I didn't realize at first that you didn't write- "Dear Civilian Wife"- and I started to fade away because I didn't agree with all of it and almost didn't read to the bottom! lol!
I agree with you- we ARE strong women- but that doesn't necessarily make us BETTER women. And there are some civilian jobs out there that are just as hard on a family as the military is (difference is, with the military they can't just decide to quit whenever they want to.)
The only time I get mad is when civilian wives tell me that THEY would never let their husbands be in the military- as if they are better than me! grrr

KK said...

Miss L- Exactly!

Jen- You see, but I would NEVER tell you that you couldn't miss your husband if you said you did when he went on a camping trip for a few days. You would be right to miss him! BUT, yes, if you were posting it 10 times a day I would get a little sick of it. My husband has been gone for months and I don't think I post much about it, at least I hope I don't! lol. That's just not me.

Fancypants- I glad you kept going! lol. No I don't agree with it, and the ones that I do, I don't believe in wording it that way(like I'm better because I save voicemails, it's just what I do).

Ana said...

Yikes, this was rather horrifying. Unfortunately, I've seen stuff like this on other military wife blogs, too. It's definitely not a good way to get anyone to like us, ha.

Everyone's feelings are valid, whether we think our own are more whatever. It's like the whole "one up you when you tell a bad story" problem. Just listen and let it go, eesh.

Although, no one likes a complainer, be it in person or online. Makes me glad yet again that I stopped Facebooking.

Did anyone else catch the irony of calling someone "civilian girl"? No matter how we want to spin it, we're civilians, too. It's our spouse who is in the military.

(Wild) Rice said...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I get so sick of seeing crap like that. If you're in love with your spouse, it hurts when they go away. Doesnt matter if it's a day, a week, a month, etc. Civilian or not. That's what love is.

Everytime I read one of those, I always want to respond that there are civilians who dont see their spouses just as long as we dont. Civilian contractors, Business men, etc. Not to mention, Hello Chilean Miners!!! I cant even imagine what those wives are going through.

Jen said...

Nope, you don't! I think in general I just dislike posting on FB :) It goes back to your other blog about posting too much personal stuff and I have a few people that are always posting about 1 thing 6 times a day for weeks at a time... I think that is my FB pet peeve :) I understand comments like the one about L last night, cause everybody (family and friends) likes to know how people are doing especially since you guys live so far! So I would consider you an A ok fb'er :)

#1 complaint I hear on FB is complaining about their jobs ALL THE TIME!

Lisa Staples said...

I am glad I read the end of your post because I was about to be upset with you. LOL I agree, whether your spouse is gone for a day,weeks, months or almost a year...we are all entitled to miss our husband. It doesn't make us selfish one bit. Just means we are only human. Although you won't hear me complain much about my husband being gone. My husband choose to be in the military and is a lifer. I will support him and back him up 100%

There is this letter "Dear civilian girl" But then there can be a letter called "Dear Active military spouse" written by a military widow who will never have the chance to see her spouse again. So choose words wisely is all I am saying to the people who complain ALL the time.

Merphine said...

Hi! You don't know me but I stumbled upon your blog and I loved it. My fiance was in the Navy on the USS Fort MacHenry when we first met, and two years later he was discharged and moved to Pittsburgh near me. I feel like I got to see it on both sides, and I still miss him horribly when he's gone even for a moment. I think military girls - especially the wives - have a hard go at life because they are left alone a lot. But I think that this is an oversimplistic letter. People vow when they get married to live through richer or poorer, better or worse. Military wives definitely get the short end of the stick when it comes to the time they have with their husbands, but I know we were wishing my man could have kept his steady job when he came out and had trouble landing work in the economy. Being a couple in any sense is both wonderful and hard. I wish more people gave military men, and their wives, the respect they deserve. But I'm so happy to hear that you are not one of those wives who acts better than civilian girls (I knew a lot of them when Tom was in the military, I was kind of an outcast because I was a civilian girlfriend who wouldn't move to VA because I was in dental school in Pittsburgh)... I say, good for you!