Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Will it last?

I have a few pet-peeves. The biggest one is when people keep saying that if you get married young it won't last. How do they know? Because they know someone who got married and got divorced? That doesn't doom everyone to fail. I think people who rush into marriage have a harder time not necessarily the young ones. I feel like its a slap in the face when people say it. So I have started responding with "My husband and I started dating at 14, got married at 18. Are we more likely to divorce then....say, a 27 year old who met their S/O and got married a month later?" I always get something like....."Well no. But people shouldn't rush things. Everyone should give it time and make sure they are mature and able to have a strong marriage" Who makes all the rules? Did I forget my handbook when I got my marriage license? Who do I need to kill to get me one of them books?

While maturity can make a difference, I don't think age does. If you get married young and you know the odds are against you and you are willing to make it work, then why not? Who's to say that in 20 years I won't be married? I think people just need to let others be. Who cares if I got married at 18 and not 25? I didn't miss out on anything. I knew who I wanted to marry and not to toot my own horn, but I have a really great marriage. A lot of things go into making a marriage last.

Every one's story is different. Mine is unique just like the next persons. No one knows who will last and who won't. But I think people need to keep their comments to themselves and let other people be. I'm happy.....why does it matter what age I was when I said "I do"?


Anonymous said...

there has to be a maturity level there, as well as a commitment. Love is a choice you make, not something you fall into.

Nate and I met in March '05. I was 19 going on 20, he was 21.

I left school for texas in May, visited him once in June before bootcamp. He proposed in August. Saw him briefly for thanksgiving. He came to visit for 2 short weeks in December to meet my family. I saw him once more that next march and we married in April. Our relationship was certainly LONG distant. All in all, we were hand in hand for probably 3-4 months before we got married.

Our 5 yr anniversary is next month. We certainly have our ups and downs. There have been a lot of things we've made it through. I've grown up and he's grown up (sort of ::snicker::).
Marriage takes work. Love can fade if you don't make the choice to keep it going. I love my husband, even though there things that he does that really aggravate me.

Brienne said...

I agree with you Kim!! I get the same thing all the time too!

Stephanie said...

I don't think people say that as a personal attack towards you or your marriage.

It is possible to get married at 18 and live happily ever after. Marriage takes a lot of work regardless of what age you say "I do". In my opinion, there are a lot of younger couples that aren't really ready for that. But, there are a lot of 40 year olds that aren't ready for that either.

People tend to change a lot between 16 and 26. When you're married, you have to change along with that person - have them accept your changes and you accept theirs. I think it would be hard to deal with the rough marriage days when your friends get in a fight and just break up.

We got married when I was 22. That's young for my friends and a lot of my family, but I feel a lot older than a lot of military wives. Young is relative.

I think it's also the image of an 18 year getting pregnant which results in a marriage. Personal opinion - pregnancy is not the ideal basis for a proposal.

No matter what people say about "marrying young" those are just generalizations. Even if it may be true, it doesn't mean it has to be true for you.

Bri0213 said...

i totally agree with both of you... Louie and I were the definition of LONG distance too.. He was 18 I was 15 and we started dating a month before he went into bootcamp.. We've been together for 10 yrs this yr!!!! Can't believe it's been so long.. but it certainly takes work and I don't think age has a thing to do with it..

KK said...

I have never had anyone tell me I was too young. Most of the time they have no idea what age I married at when they are saying it. Then I say how old I was and sometimes they back pedal.

I do have to say that sometimes I see a new 18 year old wife with the deer in the headlights look. and You just know she wasn't ready.

I aggree with the you shouldn't get married because of a coming baby and I also think that you shouldn't get married just because your husband is getting ready to go into the service. You have to get married to get married. If it's not what you want it will be harder to make it work.

It's hard not to get all butt hurt about it. It's like the stay at home mom vs. working mom thing. No one is right or wrong but EVERYONE has a different view.

Also....I hear the will miss out on things if you get married so soon. Ummm I didn't miss anything. I'm right where I want to be. I never look back and think "I wish I would have done this or that" everything I want to do is with him.

Expat Girl said...

I agree with everything you said! In England couples dont get married until they are much older so my friends thought I was crazy but I knew what I wanted : ) Who says there are rules as to who and when you can marry? I must have missed that chapter in my "life" book??!

Amanda said...

giiirl, i know EXACTLY where you are coming from!!! It KILLS me when people say we're too young. UGH! im so over it!

Ali said...

I agree- people need to mind their own business.

tina said...

Whatever anyone says they don't know what happened or what will happen. Two people who marry make commitments to each other and need to work at their marriage. I know I didn't find my true love til I was 25. You two were lucky two find each other so young. Why are people so Hung up on age. I am so proud of u two you have a great marriage and the key is u were friends first and u have great communication. Keep up the good u have done and continue to love one another like u do.

~His~ said...

we got told we got married young as well and i get it here also when people do notice but I'm not missing out on anything i knew i wanted to be married young and knew i didn't want a kid young because i don't think of him as just my husband but my best friend and i want to do everything with him...he helps me accomplish the things i don't want to miss out on.

We also had a long distance relationship for about a year and deployment...

Bailey P said...

Funny, when I tell people that I am not married yet, it either goes one of two ways:

1. they are completely appauled and think that I must be defective. Then they demand that I "tie down" the man I am currently with.


2. They laugh and say "good, wait till after 30"

WTF? can't I be comfortable in my domestic partnership without a piece of paper? We have been together for 3 years. We are VERY happy. But does that mean that we HAVE to get married right now?

To each their own, right?

KK said...

Baily- Thank you for writting that! I never looked at how it would be on the other end. I guess it just seems like no matter how you do it people will think you are wrong. It just proves that no one way is the right way.

If you are happy then that is ALL that matters!